Morning! If you look back at my last entry I had already written a long post on another site before I blogged on this one. Instead of writing it all over again, I have copied and pasted it below. This particular blog has a special meaning, that's why I felt it needed to be published here. Not gonna lie, I guess we all have our moments of vulnerability and this one is mine. Hate to start my second blog sounding like a Debbie Downer, but if you stick around, it does have a pretty good ending!
This summer has been one of the most changing for me. I will start back several months ago, when my boyfriend and I broke up. It was an extremely hard time for me because I didn't want it to end. Trying to cope with the heartbreak, I felt like I needed some time away from everything. I deactivated my Facebook, hoping I wouldn't be bombarded with the questions of "what happened?", "you seemed so happy together"...I wanted to go into hiding and not know about the social world for awhile. After this happened, I had a really big argument with one of my best girlfriends and we ended up not talking to each other for over a month. It was tough not having her around when I needed her the most. Some of my other friendships had severed and I felt like I was no longer a part of my inner circle of the people I had so many memories with. Within a week, a family issue arised and I am once again watching my world crumble in front of my eyes. First my boyfriend, then my friends, and then my family. The three most important things in my life were either gone or hanging by a thread. It was at this lowest point where I decided things couldn't get any lower. I was mentally drained, shattered from the inside out and losing all hope that things would start looking up for me. When we get knocked down by life, we all have two choices. We can either take the negative road that will lead us to absolutely no good or we can get up, dust ourselves off ,and change it to something positive. I chose the latter. Being strong was the only option for me and I wasn't going down without a fight. The first several weeks after everything happened were the toughest. I had the hardest time sleeping at night and everyday, those three important things were all I thought about. Would have, could have, should have questions often flooded into my brain and disrupted my thoughts. Shortly after, I started eating a little better and did a light routine of walking/jogging in the evenings to clear my mind. I didn't know it then, but I was doing my body a world of good. I have always been pretty active and used exercise as a method to relieve stress. Anytime I felt sad or at the end of my rope, I would make myself go outside and turn my bad feelings into something good. Something I enjoyed doing. As the weeks progressed and the dust started to settle, it got a little easier to talk about everything without getting teary-eyed. I had begun to process a lot of what happened and find comfort in my own path to self-discovery. When I needed to cry, I cried and when I thought of the good memories, I smiled. I was going through this transition of emotions, but I needed it to heal. Three weeks ago a friend of mine asked if I could house sit for her. She would be going out of the country and it was the longest time I've ever stayed at her house before. It would be a long drive to my work every morning but seeing it as an opportunity to "get away" by myself, I took her up on the offer. This was the best thing I did. I upped the ante with my workouts and meal plan and concentrated on some "me" time. The heavy burden that once occupied my heart, started to lift. I started to feel like the old me again with a different body and a positive outlook. Three weeks went by and my house sitting days slowly came to an end. Two days ago, my friend came home and I have to admit, I'm glad I'm back home too.
So
here we are at the end of July. The sun is getting hot and I noticed I have yet
to jump into a pool or a lake this summer. I've stayed busy at work and
divide my time working out, hanging out with friends and doing things that I enjoy. Happy to
report that I made my debut back on Facebook with an updated picture of
me having lost 22 lbs. That exercise and food regimen
stuck and now I feel more confident than ever! I had such a positive
feedback from all of my friends. Thanks for the wonderful compliments, I felt the love :)
Update: I'm
still single and still a work in progress. I'm taking one day at a time
and feel like I'm in a good place. At least I gave it everything I got
and loved with every strength in my heart; knowing that I did the best I could, makes it easier to walk away. I hope someday he and I can be friends; my invitation is always open. As for my bestie and I, we worked things
out and we are getting our friendship back on track. My family
situation is still mending together. It has the potential to be great but we are doing the best we can do. It too has some
progress to be made.
Through my journey this summer, there's been
a lot of change. Change that I didn't want to happen or even saw coming. But without it, we wouldn't know how strong we are or who we are. We are constantly evolving and growing and it's necessary to shape us to be the person we want to be. I've had to roll with the punches that seemed to come
straight at my head with no remorse. I've had to dig real deep and find
my inner voice again. I've had to depend on faith and myself to get me through the challenges. I have grown and learned so much is so
little time and I feel like I'm not done yet. I can't wait to see what
this chapter brings, hopefully more happier things (lol) but, when life
decides to throw me another curveball, I know I'll be strong enough to
get through it too. Remember, you have two choices. Which one are you going to pick?
Love and respect yourself and each other.
